O father where art thou

Father & Son (Photo credit: jeroenadema)

I was going to call this post “man on man action”, but decided against it.

Anyways it may have been the father‘s day stuff that I seen on the net, but I’ve been thinking about my relationship with my Dad recently. My parents split up when I was young and while I seen my Dad for a while after I ended up not seeing him any more. It was complicated, he had a new family and I felt a certain amount of miss placed duty to my wronged mother to stop seeing him. Anyways long story short, I haven’t seen my Dad for almost twenty years now.

It’s something I wouldn’t mind changing. I mean I don’t hold it against him any more. I’m old enough to know that relationships don’t always work out and that there’s a certain amount of madness surrounding the whole thing. I did try googling him and had a quick look on facebook, but nothing came up.

The thing is I’ve always thought that it hadn’t really effected me that much. I mean I know it changed me, of course it did, but I’ve never considered myself to have anypsychological hang-ups about it, but recently I’ve started to wonder.

You see when I was thinking about psychological issues I guess I was thinking about in my relationships with women. Now I admit I’m not exactly Mr commitment and not wanting a family is maybe a bit odd, but it’s hardly unusual these days and I know plenty of people from “normal” upbringings that feel the same way. What I’m starting to wonder about is how did my parents break up effect my relationships with othermen?

“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” – Fight Club.

I hadn’t really thought about it much, but I am far more comfortable around women than I am around men. Even the male friends I have, and no offence here guys, are not exactly the most macho of people. I seem to have a certain amount of distrust towards other people of my own sex, especially the more butch kind and I usually assume the worst when I think of the male motives. Likewise I’m often not sure how I’m supposed to act around other men, especially in larger groups.

So I’m wondering, is that something to do with my family history?

Thing is there are plenty of other factors that could contribute to it. High school was fine for me, but I was on the fringes of things generally and knew who to avoid. Maybe I’m just continuing on the same way. Also most of my home life was dominated by female figures and I was rarely part of a group made exclusively of men. I’ve also wondered if it could be natural. Is this some genetic animistic thing about male dominance?

In truth it’s probably a combination of all of the above. Either way it’s interesting to think about where our ability to form relationships comes from. Does anyone have any great psychological insights?

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• The Father I Have Never Had (strategicjourney.wordpress.com)